Walking with God—nurturing our relationship with him, living in a way that honors and glorifies him, serving people as Jesus himself did, and sharing the news of his love and grace with others—is the subject of all of Scripture. Any attempt to condense God’s instruction down to a relatively simple set of principles is difficult, yet our role as a parent provides the opportunity for us to establish a metric for spiritual growth that can be passed on to our sons and daughters during their formative years.

In one way or another we all develop some concept of what it means to grow up, and we can model and teach our kids in a way that is consistent with that concept.  As long as we introduce them to God’s Word and to the life and message of Jesus Christ, we are pointing them to the right path.

The following list is a good framework for teaching about spiritual growth because it is derived from the many truths for godly living that we find throughout Scripture.  The five main principles also enable a simplified yet meaningful answer to the question “What are the characteristics of a mature Christian man?”

May such a list motivate our sons (and us dads as well) to turn to God’s Word for guidance and to find in the Lord courage in the face of conflict, wisdom in the face of difficult decisions, and hope in the face of life’s difficult times.

1.  A real man does not go along with the world.

• Real men think differently about life’s choices than many of the people around them, because they have been changed within.  Real men are very careful about whom their friends are, and they have the strength of character to say no to wrong activities and bad people.

• Real men set boundaries for their thoughts and behaviors.  They don’t automatically go along with what the world says is OK, and they thoughtfully evaluate their level of participation in its attractions.  Real men work together to keep one another strong, and they develop strategies for helping one another resist, reject, and, when necessary, recover from harmful behaviors.

• Real men don’t lie and cheat to get ahead in the short-term.  They are more interested in character development, spiritual growth, and the Lord’s long-term rewards than they are in dishonest gains that will eventually hurt themselves and those they love.

• Real men treat women with respect.  Real men rise above the social pressure to misuse and abuse the dating process.  They work to develop healthy relationships with Christian women.

2.  A real man does what God wants him to do.

• A real man does what God wants him to do because he knows his heavenly father intimately and therefore trusts that his all-powerful, all-wise, and all-loving God has his best interests in mind.  This trust encourages a real man to stay close to God.

• A real man continually listens for God’s guiding voice so that he can be sure of doing what God wants him to do.  A real man’s identity, sense of direction, understanding of right and wrong, and actions all stem from a mind influenced by the Holy Spirit.

• Real men acknowledge God as supreme in their life.  They find joy in celebrating him with other believers because he alone is worthy of their complete love and respect.

3.  A real man leads with a servant’s heart.

• A real man understands and embraces his roles as faithful husband and loving father. With God’s help and in his divine power, a real man responds to the biblical call to serve as a spiritual guide in the home. When disciplining his children, he combines unconditional love and sound instruction with training and correction.

• As wise stewards of God’s resources, real men are disciplined with money, industrious, generous, responsible, and prudent.

• Real men are kind to their mother and father, sons and daughters, friends and opponents, co-workers and clients, strangers and neighbors.  They are sincerely respectful of the people around them.

• A real man is passionately committed to his wife and willing to do whatever it takes to preserve the marriage and make it a place of joy and fulfillment.

4.  A real man builds relationships.

• A real man is not a loner: he works at being a good friend, he cares about other people, and he knows he needs to maintain meaningful relationships with believers.

• A real man prays with other believers.  He is confident about God’s listening ear, yet he approaches the Lord’s throne in humility.  He is concise yet complete in expressing his thoughts, and attentive to what the Lord may express to him through the Holy Spirit.

• A real man respects women and values their noble character above any other aspect of beauty.  Young men of character prepare for dating by first seeking after God, and while he is single, his relationships with women are characterized by kindness, honesty, and healthy boundaries.

• A real man cares about the people around him, regardless of their religion, culture, or worldview.  He invites them to have fellowship with God just as he does.  He does not know how they will respond, but realizing that conversion is not his responsibility, he rests in the power and movement of the Spirit.  In obedience to his Lord and wanting to share his forgiving and life-changing love, a real man simply speaks of what he knows.

5.  A real man looks beyond this life.

• Real men look beyond what they encounter in this world, and are therefore able to appreciate that which is good in the world God created.  Everything they do is colored by a rich understanding of their destiny with Christ, a secure future that is anything but dull.  Despite the corruption brought into this world and into our human nature by sin, real men see glimpses of that divine future glory in worshipful music, the joy of loving relationships, restful moments of deep contentment, the beauty of nature, vigorous exercise, great literature and fine arts.

• Real men don’t give up when the journey is rough.  They keep a long range perspective through the bad times as well as the good times. Choosing to keep a biblical view of God firmly in their mind, real men don’t lose heart.

• Real men don’t give in to fear, and they do not let themselves be overcome by worry.  They face tough decisions with courage, and they find joy in life despite difficult circumstances because they know God cares for them, is with them, and is at work in the situation.

• God leaves us with many tough and unanswered questions—and a real man is OK with that.  He does not shy away from intellectual discussions about his faith, he humbly acknowledges what he does not know, he prayerfully pursues answers to tough questions as he studies the scriptures, and he shares the truth (as he best understands it) in love.